Don’t Worry, Be Happy.

Be truly happy for the people around you. Celebrate their successes with them. As they rise in their careers, find love, cut their birthday cakes. Celebrate

Learn to be happy for yourself. There is always going to be someone richer than you, poorer than you, smarter than you, dumber than you, prettier than you, and so on and so forth. Though I’m not advocating for complacency, striving to be the absolute best at all costs, is kinda a waste of time and energy that can be spent doing something productive – like being genuinely happy.

Let’s face it. When you’re happy, being happy for others is a whole lot easier. So take a class you’ll enjoy, lead a healthy lifestyle, nurture positive relationships in your life, and surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself (and not because they’re so much worse off than you are hahaha ). Pretty soon, you won’t be uttering the words, “I’m so happy for you,” through gritted teeth.

P.O.Box 28, Friend zone

Lately, there has been much talk about the friend zone. At least in my circles (which seem to be more oval than round) Anyway, where were we? in the friend zone.

This word has been around for a minute and roughly means the point at which ‘Chick’ sees ‘Dude’ as a friend and nothing more.

Well, what’s so wrong with the friend zone? Nothing, if you ask me. But then again you didn’t ask. From my little intel (nothing Synovate or Infotrack going on here) Guys hate the friend zone or they pretend to.

According to the Urban Dictionary- The Friend Zone: A state of being where a male inadvertently becomes a ‘platonic friend’ of an attractive female who he was trying to initiate a romantic relationship. Females have been rumoured to arrive in the Friend Zone, but reports are unsubstantiated.

Who is at fault for zoning, the friend zoner or the friend zonee?

Many have said friend zoning is like going to a job interview where they like your CV but say ‘Sorry we can’t hire you but can you please, please hang around?’

You see an interview is an interview is an interview. That’s to say, everything about it is deliberate. You apply, you show up and if you don’t like the terms you are free to scoot.

It pays to state your intentions upfront because anyone who thinks that they can persuade the other into a relationship via being a friend is not special, but deluded. Deluded because friendships don’t always end up in ‘those’ relationships and sometimes you end up losing a really good friendship coz you decided to de/unfriend zone it.

Wait a minute, stating intentions is ok for guys but my 3^rd world country hasn’t quite accepted it, neither has my 3^rd world mind.

That said; let’s not get it twisted coz chicks also get friend zoned.

You mean girls get Friend zoned?

(Insert laughter here)

Oh boy, it happens all the time. I for one have been friend zoned like 12,984 times and counting. However, the good news is, life is sometimes fair.

Sauce for the goose and the gander alike! Right now, I’d like to make a special shout out to all the guys who think that the society is unfair because they get friend zoned by girls, I have news for you: Girls get friend zoned, too. Really!!

For real?

The norm is, the guys make the moves and the girl can do nothing but chill out. The girl’s got to make sure she’s not sending the wrong martian signals. Say hello to ‘Chick’. She really likes this guy called ‘Dude’ and with her simple but ambiguous Facebook updates and Tweets about ‘Dude’ she is already risking her emotions.

‘Chick’ lives in anticipation of conversations with ‘Dude’ hopeful that someday he will reciprocate what she’s feeling. @Chick’ invests so much mafeelings for ‘Dude’ and even has a codename for him. (I’ll be here when you finish laughing). So one time, thirty seven years later ‘Dude’ kind of admits that should there be any girl in the small circle they roll in whom he would have a crush on, that would be ‘Chick’.

Hearts jumping with joy, waterfalls, such things, ‘Chick’ gets so excited, she starts wearing pink, cute things. So later ‘Chick’ tells dude about the codename etc .His response is the codename flatters him, and thanks ‘Chick’ for being honest. Then ‘Dude’ goes on to say: “’Chick’, you’re great but I can only be your friend.”

Her desire to call ‘Cube Movers’ and ask them for the rates of transporting her furniture and keepsakes from Earth to Mars is somewhat justified. Now ‘Chick’ doesn’t hate dude, she’s just extremely embarrassed and had she not been honest she probably would have saved their friendship.

Excuse: women are way more emotional and have more pain receptors than guys do so it must hurt for them more.

As the world turns, there are some people who will never get out of the friend zone, yes eternally zoned. http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/20-guys-who-will-never-get-out-of-the-friend-zone

I’m no relationship expert and I am not here to provide any solutions. After my semi inane rambling, in the words of Doris Day, I say ‘Que sera sera – What will be, will be’

VIVA LA FRIEND ZONE

My refusals

This post is inspired by a Facebook update I posted a couple of weeks back. It is a list (not exhaustive and in no particular order) of things I refuse to believe (in). Feel free to add your own.

I refuse to believe that

1. Men cannot wear pink
2. Socks can be worn more than once without washing them
3. Cat-fights are an acceptable way of solving problems
4. Colour-blocking cannot go wrong
5. I cannot have pizza for breakfast
6. I will die if I never drink another soda
7. Love is for the weak
8. Chivalry is dead
9. I don’t have time
10. People who do bad stuff will get away with it
11. I can fix other people
12. There are mistakes too big from which recovery is impossible
13. If I stay he will change
14. I can’t win
15. It doesn’t make any difference how hard I try, or how hard I work or if I do my best or not; the outcome is the same as if I didn’t try at all
16. I have to be able to do it all, perfectly (perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect girlfriend, perfect employee, perfect church volunteer, etc…)
17. I must have everyone’s love and approval
18. It is easier to avoid problems than to face them.
19. I can’t be happy unless things go my way
20. I shouldn’t have to wait for what I want
21. God can’t use me unless I’m spiritually strong
22. All girls must wear six-inch high heels ( as if to say Gully Creeping is ok)

 

That’s all for now.

Until Delete Do Us Part

‘I, ____, take you, ____, to be my friend, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until delete do us part.’

Sounds like the traditional marriage vows that we know so well but the difference is that these are friendship vows. I’m one of those who spends much of my time on Facebook it truly is a wonder that it hasnt messed up my spelling.

Today I noticed that I have 4818 Facebook friends, which in reality is a joke because I dont think I even know half of the people there. I’ve interacted with these ‘strangers’ on occasion and the results have mostly been positive. That however is a post for another day.

What boggles my mind is the people I know but I never interact with. You know, that friend from the Church I used to go, the one I used to hang out with on the daily.. Makes me think that Facebook should actually intorduce ‘Friendzones’ (ok, ok, private joke!) But like a beautiful soul mentioned to me yesterday ‘Such is life’ and I’ll add seasons and reasons

Hardest to figure out is the people who are past the ‘sell by’  friendship dates, you know, the ones you have ‘beef’ with, the people you don’t like, the ex that you aren’t talking to, why on earth do we keep them as Facebook friends. Is it a test to see who deletes who first? I mean UNFRIENDING/UNFOLLOWING does speak volumes. It saves us from the ‘I’m mad at you’ conversation. It can be done silently but how to do it, when to do it and how to get away with it quietly. LOL

On the other hand culling our friend lists regularly to remove psychos and other hangers-on is a cool thing to do. But then again, not all unfriendings are equal. (Shamba La Wanyama) Some are completely impersonal others are utterly vindictive *insert evil laugh here*.

What I’m trying to say is that in this day and age, the equivalent of the fat lady singing -when you go to your ‘friend’s’ page and find this –> ADD FRIEND.

If that happens to you some time soon, don’t catch a feeling.Remember there’s probably a pending request or two from some stranger, so add friend, move on until delete do you part.

Oh and just to let you know Nov 17th is National Unfriend Day.

Here Kitty Kitty..Here Kitty!

Everyday

Almost everyday, I wake up with a plan. I know what I want to achieve and how to get around it. I’m not a morning person and I struggle just to get my eyelids open. But when I eventually get round to it, I embrace that plan.

 

I hate conversation in the mornings and stick to one-word answers. Well, that’s just who I am. I can never pick out my clothes the day before. I have days when all my clothes seem ugly to me and other days, I’m spoilt for choice.

 

Once I get past my morning blues, I’m ready to face the day. I’m ready to make things happen. Funny but on most days, it seems that the elements are working hard to see me have an unsuccessful day. If it’s not this, it’s the other. Traffic, Power blackouts, scorching sun, dropped calls, lousy internet, bad friends, a running nose and maybe just maybe a lost purse.

 

Some days, I push past the elements but on other days I let them get the best of me. Yes, I said I let them. I accept the weariness, the fatigue and slouch back and watch the day go by. I do have a choice. Well, sometimes I make the wrong choices knowing very well that I have ventured one step further from that thing we call excellence.

 

I’m only human, my cells need to grow. My skin needs to replace itself..yakkedy shmakkeddy. I could go on. I’ve already concluded my story when I agreed that I have a choice. I can push on in spite of the elements. Life happens so I need to happen right back. Some things about me like the fact that I hate conversation in the mornings are all good but I cant let the elements get the best of me. I need to rise up early to beat the traffic. I must find other things to do when there is no electricity ( agood old book never hurt anyone) I can get some sunscreen before I step into the scorching sun. A pair of stunners would be brilliant. I can get a life beyond Social Media (OMG, LOL) I can still love the bad friends or … hmmmm let’s just stick at loving them. An apple a day wont be a bad idea, anything to keep th sniffles way. Yes… I could go shopping and replace that lost purse.

 

When all is said and blogged, life aint that bad. Actually life is beautiful. I’ll probably stay up watching a movie, struggle waking up in the morning and do this all again tomorrow. Difference is… I’ll love the day, I’ll love the elements and yes, yes, yes, I will love you!

 

When friendship ends…

I make friends easily(when I want to ) That said, I’m that kind of girl who loves her friends. If you are my friend then you know that I have your back, through and through and through.

When I was younger, I valued friendship a lot less than I do now. I did lots of stupid thing to gain and maintain friends. I was never quite a leader. I appeared to be, but deep down I was the follower.

Insecurities galore, but hey that’s a blog for another day.

I’ve not seen some of my high school friends for years. Thanks to technology, we can keep in touch. Truth is that friendship that has lasted all these years is such a beautiful thing. It is heart warming when you pick up conversations with old friends and no one can tell you’ve been apart for years. That is the rose petal side of friendship.

There is the thorny side too. You watch people you’ve met along the way change like the proverbial chameleon before your eyes. Your yellow friend is now blue and red with burgundy dots. She was gonna be your best maid, but she’s turned into a monster over night. He was your best-man but now he cant remember your first name.

Attempts to be cordial are met with hostility-in-a-box. No resuscitation can be given to the friendship. Do you keep trying,?do you walk away? Many a time, I have walked away bitter, dejected, vowing to never make more friends. At times like this God always reminds me to stop focusing on the thorns on the roses instead of the roses among the thorns. God has given me great friends. I have those I’ve kept from my childhood and others I’ve met along the way.

I’ve stopped crying over broken friendships. I’ve let their ashes go in the wind. I thank God for the friends He has given me. I’ll cherish every moment that I’ll spend with them. My prayer is for friendships that never end.