#FreeDawer

Dawer rushed out of her room as fast as she could. Her phone, her handbag, her toothbrush were all the things she needed to take with her. The world as she knew it was evaporating and just in-case a new world showed up, she had to have clean teeth.
One last look in the mirror and she noticed she was wearing a jacket from two seasons ago. Quite sure that it wouldn’t do. She made a mad dash back into her room and picked up her designer jacket.Brand new, she hadn’t finished paying for it. Her credit card was already maxed out but who cared coz the point was she looked good. Once she touched up her make up she was ready to go.

The reason for all the craziness was a text that Dawer had just received from Tosh. He told her that all the chicken in the market place were singing and the vegetables were doing a crazy jig. The onions in particular seemed to have planned a flashmob. Dawer could hardly wait to see this with her own three eyes.Yes, three eyes. She had bought an extra one at the software store, just for emergencies.

Well, these were signs that their little village’s time was up. Dawer’s grandma had told her stories when she was little. These stories weren’t from a book, but from memory. Who would have thought that during Dawer’s lifetime she would see them come to pass?

What if the end of their village was real? Dawer started to cry and at the very same moment, she started to laugh. She tripped and fell into a brown heap. She was sure it was elephant poop. All brown and gooey.but it smelt like chocolate. She was tempted to lick it, which she did.

That was the best decision ever. Dawer found out that the poop was really chocolate fudge. She licked it, rolled in it, delighted in it because it was delicious.

Tosh called her once again, saying the tomatoes were now doing a rap song. Dawer didn’t care.She was in elephant poop heaven. Suddenly four elephants appeared and asked her why she was eating their cake.

Dawer said she was really sorry but she accidentally landed in it, tasted it and ate it. The elephants told her that as punishment, she would have to go with them to the Black Forest and they would release her when they saw fit.

After thinking about it, Dawer accepted to go with them. She called Tosh and told him that she was stuck in the traffic. The carts were bumper to bumper. Oh the stresses of village life.

Thoughts of chocolate fudge and the possibility of being a prisoner in the Black Forest put a smile on her face. The singing ‘kachumbari’ was pale in comparison.

She didn’t even realise that three hours had gone by and they hadn’t even reached the Black Forest. One of the elephants suggested that they check into a motel for the night. Happy Dawer was having the time of her life. She had been held hostage by elephants that pooped chocolate, they were checking into a really classy motel( authentic straw interior) and she had her toothbrush.

Dawer tried calling Tosh a little later but his phone was out of service. She had chocolate fudge and went to bed early. She needed her beauty sleep because her life as a Black Forest prisoner had just began.

Lord, I’m Struggling

I’m one of those who would rather win than lose.I’d rather be successful than fail. I’m a lover not a fighter (I claim) but if I must ‘fight’ its an odd war. No nukes, no kicks, no punches and most times I just retreat. Maybe you identify, maybe you don’t

You may know me as a tough cookie. I’m that girl who pretty much has everything under control. I can afford a smile even when I’m aching on the inside. I prefer to sort out my drama behind closed doors, all by myself. By the time we hook up and hang out I’m Michelle the noise maker, the life of the party. Defense mechanism perhaps but I find my strength in laughter. When it pains, I laugh. When it hurts, I laugh. When I’m clueless, I laugh. When I’m sad, when I’m low, when things aren’t right, I laugh.

Then I get to the place where I’m ‘all laughed out’. I hate this place coz I’ve run out of camouflage. So I run, as fast and as far as my gingerbread legs can carry me I run. I run because I can see challenges that I’m not ready to face without my laugh. I’m afraid to fail, afraid of flaws, afraid that I don’t have the strength to keep up the appearances. I run and go back to my part time job in the construction industry. I go back to building my walls. Each day, theres a new brick. Slowly I build these walls hoping to keep the audience out. I switch off my phone, I disappear. I run. Yet, I’m always secretly hoping that some external factor will bring these walls down…

Yes, my life’s a struggle. I usually have great seasons then something happens. *Insert nose-dive here* I got born-again in 2006, the walk has mostly been great. Its something I’ve always wanted to ‘WIN’ at. There came the bumps and each time there seems to be a bigger bump ahead of me.I realize that even as a child of God its not an assurance for a drama free life. Still, I’ve felt the need to keep up appearances and I realized that I was gonna lose at the ‘appearances game’ so I figured..why walk the straight and narrow and lose? I didn’t want any embarrassment, So I chose to just live, get by.I chose something easy, coz I could win.

Just living, made me happy but just for a little while. We can say I ‘dumped’ God. I dumped the one who gave His son for me. I gave in to my struggles in a bid not to deal with my struggles. I dumped the gift He gave me, built those walls to keep out the people He put in my life… Same old tactics! Luckily, the God I dumped doesn’t call me His ex-child. He hasn’t disowned. The God I dumped found me behind those walls.

Here I am, not keeping up appearances. I struggle with sin and I struggle to live the Christian life.I have my physical, mental and social struggles.This sometimes makes me feel like a lower caste Christian. The truth is I sometimes wonder if I’ll fight this good fight to the end. I don’t want to lose. I want to win. I have hope, I have prayer, I have the Holy Spirit and I have the church. I can win.My God knows me intimately and accepts me despite my failings.

You know what, the devil is a liar. He makes you feel like you need to build those walls. He tells you to stay away coz God isn’t interested in your sinning self. God is always interested in you coz He made you for Himself.

I need to remember these struggles are for a reason, maybe one day I’ll be able to help someone going through the same. Through these struggles may my God be glorified.May my struggles draw me closer to God and keep me relying on God. My struggles are a way for God to mold me.My struggles will direct me towards the throne of Grace instead of away from it. I shouldn’t run.

If I wanna live by my own strength, I’m set up to lose. If I live by God’s strength I am destined to win. Yes I’m gonna make it.

Here’s a song I wrote a little while ago. You may have already heard it on the OPEN HEAVENS MIXTAPE from the MadLove Lounge.  Strugglin features my friend BlackSkillz. I remember, I was really down the day I had this session and wrote the song.I almost didn’t show up but I made my way to the “Mixtape Session”.I hid my pain well and to many people, it was just a song but it was my story at that point in time and I’m glad I wrote it.

You must be mad!

Madness oh madness

That is what I suffer from.This madness is nothing like we know it. I require not the confines of a mental institution yet I am as mad as they come. Neither drugs nor tranquilizers can heal me or offer me peace of mind because my madness is the type that cant be diagnosed yet it sets me apart from the ‘sane’ ones.You must be wondering where I’m going with this. Well, I’ll make it clear in just a little bit but before I do I’d like to declare to you that you may just be as mad as I am.

There those things we do, those situations that we always find ourselves in. Those dead ends, that pain, that heartache, that friend, that bar, that drink… Different days, same scenario..some say same sh*!, different days.

In our ‘post match analysis’ you and I always make the vow to NEVER go down a certain road again. How lovely? Yes, its lovely until you find yourself going down the same same boulevard, in the same old clothes destined for the same old pain and regrets. All in all… It is a stupid cycle. Its not vicious..we’re not cursed, we’re just stupid..in a nutshell we’re mad. Did I just hurl insults? Not really..I’m calling it like it is. This is because madness is really doing the same things over and over expecting different results.

I realise that I must do things differently if I’m to rid myself of all the madness. No drugs, no therapy can cure me and you my friend must realise the same.
Knowledge and application are two different things. Well, I know the things I need to change..Hold my hand dear friend and lets bid this madness goodbye. I was created for greater, it’s time I started acting like it.

**This post was originally published on Facebook by Michelle Michelle TheBrand on 25th October 2011**

The goose is getting fat

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat.

Please put a penny in the old man’s hat.

If you haven’t got a penny, a ha’penny will do.

If you haven’t got a ha’penny God bless you.

At one point in my early years, I had to learn this song. It was the scariest song, I’d ever heard yet it was connected to my favorite time of the year. The opening line declared that Christmas was on its way and was the perfect way to say goodbye to November. Enter December, I had all the ‘Christmassy’ things to look forward to. The change of atmosphere in the neighborhood was always evident, even the water tasted different. There were parties practically every weekend in December. Every visit to the city centre was made complete by the sight of ridiculously disproportionate Santas stationed at various shop entrances. Most of these shops had amateurishly painted windows and exaggerated displays yet this only built up my Christmas cheer.

Our house always got expertly decked out. Cartons of tinsel and crepe paper would find their way out of storage. As a child, I always thought that elves came to decorate the house but I later discovered that the elves were actually my elder sisters. Before I knew it, I was ‘the elf’.The best part of my ‘elfin’ duties was putting the star on the Christmas tree. It always felt like such an accomplishment. Come to think of it, it was!

Only when the tree was in place did the presents start piling. Everyday they’d be a few more. I’d take them, shake them, press them real hard in an attempt to figure out what was in each box. I had this little notebook where I’d keep count of how many presents everyone was getting.  This was a sign that Christmas was coming. On the night before Christmas, I’d leave out cookies and milk for Santa. Since our house didn’t have a chimney, I always left the dining room window open for St. Nicholas to squeeze in.(I later found out that my mum doubled up as Santa)

Christmas morning would be the same every year. A huuuuuuuuuge Chocolate Cake and the finest things were always laid out for breakfast. I’d open my presents and let the day morph into whatever it wanted. There was no goose, no old man and no ha’penny.

(Somewhere along the way, the delightful feelings about Christmas have been replaced with ‘Oh-No-Not-Again’ feelings.)

Nevertheless, Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat!

Remember Me?

When I was little, I had lots of toys. Dolls, teddy bears, building blocks, cookery sets, the works.I loved my toys especially Baby Chrissy ( a hand-me down doll and an honorary member of my family).

Every so often, I would get a new addition to my ‘empire’. The new toy would always be the star of the show until, the newer one came along. Well that was the story of my life or is it the story of my toys’ lives.

When it was time for spring-cleaning, I’d always find my old toys huddled up in some nook. My interaction with these long lost  inanimate objects would always conjure up feelings that I can only describe as ‘yummy’. I’d be excited about them all over again. I’d fall asleep playing with my older dolls…it felt like heaven. Actually it was heaven *cue the angelic voices*. However this romance was always short-lived because I’d soon have a new toy.

Funny but this blog feels like one of those toys. I recall all the psyche I had when I started it then..something happened. I got bored and moved on to the next thing. Then today, I remembered that I used to have a blog (actually 2) and decided to find it. I really dont know how long this will last but I plan to enjoy the ride.

I plan to enjoy this, as well as revive my other blog. Who knows I may end up being consistent.

Slowly but surely, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. So hello my darling blog. Do you remember me?

 

Sweet like chocolate

My life is like chocolate.

Sometimes, I love chocolate. Somedays I dont. There are times when I cant stand chocolate. Similarly there are times when I’m sure I hate my life. I hate where I am.. I’m unsure of what I’m doing. Everything gets dark, like dark chocolate..which I really dont care much for.
Then there are days, i couldn’t trade my life for anything. This is because as far as I’m concerned, its perfect. As perfect as a chocolate rose. That is the ideal combination for a flower crazy girl like me. Talk of having your flower and eating it.

Wow!!

Luckily for the rest of you, the taste of chocolate isn’t dependent on how Michelle feels about it.

Chocolate will always be amazing. Life will always be amazing. It all depends on how I perceive it.

Yes… I love chocolate