Until Delete Do Us Part

‘I, ____, take you, ____, to be my friend, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until delete do us part.’

Sounds like the traditional marriage vows that we know so well but the difference is that these are friendship vows. I’m one of those who spends much of my time on Facebook it truly is a wonder that it hasnt messed up my spelling.

Today I noticed that I have 4818 Facebook friends, which in reality is a joke because I dont think I even know half of the people there. I’ve interacted with these ‘strangers’ on occasion and the results have mostly been positive. That however is a post for another day.

What boggles my mind is the people I know but I never interact with. You know, that friend from the Church I used to go, the one I used to hang out with on the daily.. Makes me think that Facebook should actually intorduce ‘Friendzones’ (ok, ok, private joke!) But like a beautiful soul mentioned to me yesterday ‘Such is life’ and I’ll add seasons and reasons

Hardest to figure out is the people who are past the ‘sell by’  friendship dates, you know, the ones you have ‘beef’ with, the people you don’t like, the ex that you aren’t talking to, why on earth do we keep them as Facebook friends. Is it a test to see who deletes who first? I mean UNFRIENDING/UNFOLLOWING does speak volumes. It saves us from the ‘I’m mad at you’ conversation. It can be done silently but how to do it, when to do it and how to get away with it quietly. LOL

On the other hand culling our friend lists regularly to remove psychos and other hangers-on is a cool thing to do. But then again, not all unfriendings are equal. (Shamba La Wanyama) Some are completely impersonal others are utterly vindictive *insert evil laugh here*.

What I’m trying to say is that in this day and age, the equivalent of the fat lady singing -when you go to your ‘friend’s’ page and find this –> ADD FRIEND.

If that happens to you some time soon, don’t catch a feeling.Remember there’s probably a pending request or two from some stranger, so add friend, move on until delete do you part.

Oh and just to let you know Nov 17th is National Unfriend Day.

Here Kitty Kitty..Here Kitty!

Lord, I’m Struggling

I’m one of those who would rather win than lose.I’d rather be successful than fail. I’m a lover not a fighter (I claim) but if I must ‘fight’ its an odd war. No nukes, no kicks, no punches and most times I just retreat. Maybe you identify, maybe you don’t

You may know me as a tough cookie. I’m that girl who pretty much has everything under control. I can afford a smile even when I’m aching on the inside. I prefer to sort out my drama behind closed doors, all by myself. By the time we hook up and hang out I’m Michelle the noise maker, the life of the party. Defense mechanism perhaps but I find my strength in laughter. When it pains, I laugh. When it hurts, I laugh. When I’m clueless, I laugh. When I’m sad, when I’m low, when things aren’t right, I laugh.

Then I get to the place where I’m ‘all laughed out’. I hate this place coz I’ve run out of camouflage. So I run, as fast and as far as my gingerbread legs can carry me I run. I run because I can see challenges that I’m not ready to face without my laugh. I’m afraid to fail, afraid of flaws, afraid that I don’t have the strength to keep up the appearances. I run and go back to my part time job in the construction industry. I go back to building my walls. Each day, theres a new brick. Slowly I build these walls hoping to keep the audience out. I switch off my phone, I disappear. I run. Yet, I’m always secretly hoping that some external factor will bring these walls down…

Yes, my life’s a struggle. I usually have great seasons then something happens. *Insert nose-dive here* I got born-again in 2006, the walk has mostly been great. Its something I’ve always wanted to ‘WIN’ at. There came the bumps and each time there seems to be a bigger bump ahead of me.I realize that even as a child of God its not an assurance for a drama free life. Still, I’ve felt the need to keep up appearances and I realized that I was gonna lose at the ‘appearances game’ so I figured..why walk the straight and narrow and lose? I didn’t want any embarrassment, So I chose to just live, get by.I chose something easy, coz I could win.

Just living, made me happy but just for a little while. We can say I ‘dumped’ God. I dumped the one who gave His son for me. I gave in to my struggles in a bid not to deal with my struggles. I dumped the gift He gave me, built those walls to keep out the people He put in my life… Same old tactics! Luckily, the God I dumped doesn’t call me His ex-child. He hasn’t disowned. The God I dumped found me behind those walls.

Here I am, not keeping up appearances. I struggle with sin and I struggle to live the Christian life.I have my physical, mental and social struggles.This sometimes makes me feel like a lower caste Christian. The truth is I sometimes wonder if I’ll fight this good fight to the end. I don’t want to lose. I want to win. I have hope, I have prayer, I have the Holy Spirit and I have the church. I can win.My God knows me intimately and accepts me despite my failings.

You know what, the devil is a liar. He makes you feel like you need to build those walls. He tells you to stay away coz God isn’t interested in your sinning self. God is always interested in you coz He made you for Himself.

I need to remember these struggles are for a reason, maybe one day I’ll be able to help someone going through the same. Through these struggles may my God be glorified.May my struggles draw me closer to God and keep me relying on God. My struggles are a way for God to mold me.My struggles will direct me towards the throne of Grace instead of away from it. I shouldn’t run.

If I wanna live by my own strength, I’m set up to lose. If I live by God’s strength I am destined to win. Yes I’m gonna make it.

Here’s a song I wrote a little while ago. You may have already heard it on the OPEN HEAVENS MIXTAPE from the MadLove Lounge.  Strugglin features my friend BlackSkillz. I remember, I was really down the day I had this session and wrote the song.I almost didn’t show up but I made my way to the “Mixtape Session”.I hid my pain well and to many people, it was just a song but it was my story at that point in time and I’m glad I wrote it.

You must be mad!

Madness oh madness

That is what I suffer from.This madness is nothing like we know it. I require not the confines of a mental institution yet I am as mad as they come. Neither drugs nor tranquilizers can heal me or offer me peace of mind because my madness is the type that cant be diagnosed yet it sets me apart from the ‘sane’ ones.You must be wondering where I’m going with this. Well, I’ll make it clear in just a little bit but before I do I’d like to declare to you that you may just be as mad as I am.

There those things we do, those situations that we always find ourselves in. Those dead ends, that pain, that heartache, that friend, that bar, that drink… Different days, same scenario..some say same sh*!, different days.

In our ‘post match analysis’ you and I always make the vow to NEVER go down a certain road again. How lovely? Yes, its lovely until you find yourself going down the same same boulevard, in the same old clothes destined for the same old pain and regrets. All in all… It is a stupid cycle. Its not vicious..we’re not cursed, we’re just stupid..in a nutshell we’re mad. Did I just hurl insults? Not really..I’m calling it like it is. This is because madness is really doing the same things over and over expecting different results.

I realise that I must do things differently if I’m to rid myself of all the madness. No drugs, no therapy can cure me and you my friend must realise the same.
Knowledge and application are two different things. Well, I know the things I need to change..Hold my hand dear friend and lets bid this madness goodbye. I was created for greater, it’s time I started acting like it.

**This post was originally published on Facebook by Michelle Michelle TheBrand on 25th October 2011**

The goose is getting fat

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat.

Please put a penny in the old man’s hat.

If you haven’t got a penny, a ha’penny will do.

If you haven’t got a ha’penny God bless you.

At one point in my early years, I had to learn this song. It was the scariest song, I’d ever heard yet it was connected to my favorite time of the year. The opening line declared that Christmas was on its way and was the perfect way to say goodbye to November. Enter December, I had all the ‘Christmassy’ things to look forward to. The change of atmosphere in the neighborhood was always evident, even the water tasted different. There were parties practically every weekend in December. Every visit to the city centre was made complete by the sight of ridiculously disproportionate Santas stationed at various shop entrances. Most of these shops had amateurishly painted windows and exaggerated displays yet this only built up my Christmas cheer.

Our house always got expertly decked out. Cartons of tinsel and crepe paper would find their way out of storage. As a child, I always thought that elves came to decorate the house but I later discovered that the elves were actually my elder sisters. Before I knew it, I was ‘the elf’.The best part of my ‘elfin’ duties was putting the star on the Christmas tree. It always felt like such an accomplishment. Come to think of it, it was!

Only when the tree was in place did the presents start piling. Everyday they’d be a few more. I’d take them, shake them, press them real hard in an attempt to figure out what was in each box. I had this little notebook where I’d keep count of how many presents everyone was getting.  This was a sign that Christmas was coming. On the night before Christmas, I’d leave out cookies and milk for Santa. Since our house didn’t have a chimney, I always left the dining room window open for St. Nicholas to squeeze in.(I later found out that my mum doubled up as Santa)

Christmas morning would be the same every year. A huuuuuuuuuge Chocolate Cake and the finest things were always laid out for breakfast. I’d open my presents and let the day morph into whatever it wanted. There was no goose, no old man and no ha’penny.

(Somewhere along the way, the delightful feelings about Christmas have been replaced with ‘Oh-No-Not-Again’ feelings.)

Nevertheless, Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat!

Soccer Shmoccer… Let’s play!!

Where do I begin? I plan to complete this blog in 90 mins flat. No extra time because I’m writing about soccer and no injury time because I am not planning on breaking a nail as I type.

If only the soccer balls were this cute!!

Ok Soccer, what do I know? At least I’m clear on the fact that a soccer match is not what lights up a stadium (NKT me if you like). There are eleven men each side, I’m not sure how many substitutes and definitely a ball. There’s also lots of money involved. Sometimes I cant help thinking soccer is like slave trade coz I’ll hear a random player’s name and then an obsecene amount of money. Speaking of which, why do teams trade their players? I mean, if a certain player is so good. WHY ARE YOU GIVING HIM UP???

Haha..yes I’m laughing coz I’m not sure what the difference is between Man City and Man U. Are they on the same side or? (Disclaimer: These are genuine questions.)

There exists the Premier league and UEFA cup. What’s their story? World Cup-that one I understand. Once every four years, it’s like the Olympics for soccer, right? Speaking of which, there must be soccer in the Olympics. So my point is that FIFA(yes I know that one) should just collabo with the Olympics guys and have the World Cup during the Olympics. Save water, save electricity and save the planet.

I used to hear of David Beckham, where did he go? Can I safely assume that he I still married to Posh Spice? Its funny how most people I know are crazy about one team or the other.  Arsenal, Man U, Chelsea, Liverpool. These could be one and the same team to me for all I care. All the supporters should check out http://www.itsjustagame.com (yes the webpage actually exists).In the same news, I can’t believe how people are able to cut short their earth journeys for the sake of a team. Like really? Suicidal fans, surely!! Smh, very, very SMH!!

Soccer  is a foreign concept to me. This game in which a handful of men run around for one and a half hours watched by millions of people who could really use the exercise. The pitch kinda looks like a hockey pitch and I’m proud to say that because I played hockey I can tell you what the offside rule is. Ok I cant really tell but I understand it. I hope that counts for something (On my league table hahahaha)

Everyday

Almost everyday, I wake up with a plan. I know what I want to achieve and how to get around it. I’m not a morning person and I struggle just to get my eyelids open. But when I eventually get round to it, I embrace that plan.

 

I hate conversation in the mornings and stick to one-word answers. Well, that’s just who I am. I can never pick out my clothes the day before. I have days when all my clothes seem ugly to me and other days, I’m spoilt for choice.

 

Once I get past my morning blues, I’m ready to face the day. I’m ready to make things happen. Funny but on most days, it seems that the elements are working hard to see me have an unsuccessful day. If it’s not this, it’s the other. Traffic, Power blackouts, scorching sun, dropped calls, lousy internet, bad friends, a running nose and maybe just maybe a lost purse.

 

Some days, I push past the elements but on other days I let them get the best of me. Yes, I said I let them. I accept the weariness, the fatigue and slouch back and watch the day go by. I do have a choice. Well, sometimes I make the wrong choices knowing very well that I have ventured one step further from that thing we call excellence.

 

I’m only human, my cells need to grow. My skin needs to replace itself..yakkedy shmakkeddy. I could go on. I’ve already concluded my story when I agreed that I have a choice. I can push on in spite of the elements. Life happens so I need to happen right back. Some things about me like the fact that I hate conversation in the mornings are all good but I cant let the elements get the best of me. I need to rise up early to beat the traffic. I must find other things to do when there is no electricity ( agood old book never hurt anyone) I can get some sunscreen before I step into the scorching sun. A pair of stunners would be brilliant. I can get a life beyond Social Media (OMG, LOL) I can still love the bad friends or … hmmmm let’s just stick at loving them. An apple a day wont be a bad idea, anything to keep th sniffles way. Yes… I could go shopping and replace that lost purse.

 

When all is said and blogged, life aint that bad. Actually life is beautiful. I’ll probably stay up watching a movie, struggle waking up in the morning and do this all again tomorrow. Difference is… I’ll love the day, I’ll love the elements and yes, yes, yes, I will love you!

 

When friendship ends…

I make friends easily(when I want to ) That said, I’m that kind of girl who loves her friends. If you are my friend then you know that I have your back, through and through and through.

When I was younger, I valued friendship a lot less than I do now. I did lots of stupid thing to gain and maintain friends. I was never quite a leader. I appeared to be, but deep down I was the follower.

Insecurities galore, but hey that’s a blog for another day.

I’ve not seen some of my high school friends for years. Thanks to technology, we can keep in touch. Truth is that friendship that has lasted all these years is such a beautiful thing. It is heart warming when you pick up conversations with old friends and no one can tell you’ve been apart for years. That is the rose petal side of friendship.

There is the thorny side too. You watch people you’ve met along the way change like the proverbial chameleon before your eyes. Your yellow friend is now blue and red with burgundy dots. She was gonna be your best maid, but she’s turned into a monster over night. He was your best-man but now he cant remember your first name.

Attempts to be cordial are met with hostility-in-a-box. No resuscitation can be given to the friendship. Do you keep trying,?do you walk away? Many a time, I have walked away bitter, dejected, vowing to never make more friends. At times like this God always reminds me to stop focusing on the thorns on the roses instead of the roses among the thorns. God has given me great friends. I have those I’ve kept from my childhood and others I’ve met along the way.

I’ve stopped crying over broken friendships. I’ve let their ashes go in the wind. I thank God for the friends He has given me. I’ll cherish every moment that I’ll spend with them. My prayer is for friendships that never end.

140 characters Part 1

I am sure that I’m special. A rare breed. Unique.

I bet you’re wondering why I’ve chosen to describe myself as such but hey, don’t worry. We’re both sailing in the same boat. (173 characters)

 

I started this blog late last year. Oh I was almost on a roll. Then two or three days later, I ran out of things to say. Neatly put, I lost the psyche to type. (164 characters)

 

Maybe Social Media has spoilt me. I’ve learnt that I can quickly ‘tweet’ something in less than 140 characters and within seconds I have my responses. Brevity? Is that the new name of the game or am I just lazy. (211 characters)

 

Ok, I’ll settle for a little bit of both. I have learnt to express myself in the 140 characters a tweep is meant to embrace. I have learnt that I do not have to type a composition (like in high school) to impress anyone. I just need to get my point across. Yet, I still feel the need to downplay my expounding on what I need to say. You see, there’s a depth that I cant achieve in 140 characters . Things that I can’t say. Tales that I can’t tell. For situations like these I have taught myself to ‘serial tweet’. That has slowly become one of my favourite activities and it leaves me on a high.(583 characters)

 

So I’m a little bit confused and sadly the world wide web continues to exist.

 

Seeing that I have not lost my ability to type. I hope that I will get back to blogging. Get back to letting you into my world.(I’m giving you an inch, don’t take a mile).

 

So to all the people who have time to ‘tweet’ and no time to blog. We’re special. We are that rare breed. Unique. NOT.

 

 

Don’t Second Guess Me

His brown eyes pierced my being in that sort of way. His jokes revived my sense of humor that was long gone. He made me smile.

Everything about him was wonderful. He was the guy I’d read about in the story books..well not quite, except for the fact that his blue eyes were brown and his hair didn’t get lifted by the wind. He was it. Except for that little feeling that I got when he lied to me the first time.

I convinced myself that it was just a little lie. A teensy weensy lie. I didn’t confront him because I didn’t want to start any trouble. I justified the lie and acted like everything was ok. From that point on he and I became one big lie.

His eyes didn’t change, his jokes got even better and yes…his lies increased. He must have been a master fisher because I played the part of the fish at the end of the line.A fish that was addicted to getting fished. A fish that knew the worm was just a prop but headed towards it anyway. A funny cycle…no actually a stupid cycle of lie, lies and more lies. I’m a woman you know! A little gangsta, a whole lot ghetto, 100% Luhya but yeah I’m a woman alright. They say a woman’s got that sixth sense. Some call it intuition or a hunch. Others call it the inner voice but I call it me. I’ve heard me many times before, often in the midst of stupid stuff. Every woman hears me (I bet Avril heard me too). I’ve heard me, I’ve listened to me but I’ve chosen to ignore me and I have a myriad of scars to show for it.

One day, the sun shone. It didn’t bounce off his hair. On this day his eyes didn’t pierce my being, not one bit. His jokes fell flat like a Coke that had remained open for days. Then he lied to me. I couldn’t believe the nerve he had but I should have been used to it. The bold man opened his mouth and lied again. His lies made my eyes brighten up. I smiled. He smiled. There and then I listened to me unflinchingly telling him off. It felt so good. I felt so free. He started to get angry; I could see his lips moving as his emotion changed to somewhat apologetic. His brown eyes, his jokes couldn’t save him now. He started to speak but I walked away because I didn’t need another lie.

Glass Houses

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

Glass houses, who would live in a glass house? Certainly not me! That was until I saw this.

A glass house

Cool!! That is what I thought and evidently still think. Now I’m really sure that a glass house is a great thing. If only someone could get me a couple of glass houses for my birthday-I’d be one sugarcoated lass.

Funny, but life doesn’t work like that. For some reason things don’t just happen because I googled images of glass houses and now I think I like them yet if I wish glass houses for the moment then so be it.

You must admit that the glass house is absolutely pretty! In that same breathe-pretty public! LOL(I warned you..) Imagine if a housing estate in Nairobi was full of glass houses..OMG we’d be in people’s business from morning till evening, then till morning.Well, people planning to live in glass houses must have their glass tinted real good.

Check out the next glass house

I wanna live there

This one (yes I googled it hehehe) got me oohing and aahing and I still can’t stop. Right now I’m thinking people in glass houses must be some ‘made-it’ kind of moolah. All that’s ringing in my head is people who live in glass houses must have some really cool things. I’m 17 steps short to crying out “Mummy!! I want a glass house too!” Hmmm, think I’ll try that around Christmas 20-never. I fully understand why people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones-because it will break all the expensive stuff that they have. But then again, they should have insurance, these glass house folk!! Oh then a lot depends on the type of glass used in the construction of the glass house. A lame attempt in googling those and ended up with a severe boil on my brain as a result of overheating low emissivity, aluminosilicate glass…thus an aluminosilicated brain! From the movies I know there’s bullet proof glass thus it must be stone proof..right?

Whoever said people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones was probably on a budget of sorts. Credit crunch was the case that they gave me  (I prefer nut crunch just so you know ). I think people in glass houses should be allowed to throw stones instead of being discriminated.

Glass house folk should throw stones

• If they feel like, with or without insurance
• Only if they use KBS approved pebbles and mini-rocks
• If they have a stone throwing diploma or any higher qualification
• If their target is less than a stone’s throw away
• But should not be referred to as ‘stoned’

Now for some glass house humour

At a party, how do you know a guy who lives in a glass house? He likes his drink on the rocks! —— hahaha shoot me! (Dedicated that shatter moment to Blinky Bill)