Jamu By Day And Night

First, a special thank you Miss Katho for giving me this topic.

Ok where to start, I moved into Jamu a couple of months ago. It is my first time to live on my own and I must admit, I really like it. I chose Jamu coz it was affordable, convenient, dusty ( wait a minute that wasn’t a plus). Seems that my choice wasn’t an isolated one coz I have a number of friends living in the J-Zone. Yeah, I’m trying to make it sound cool.

My 2 newly married couple friends( for those who failed math 2 couples = 4 people), who are truly family to me have made my stay in the J-Zone so worthwhile. Together with the ‘new wives’,we’ve discovered salons, learned to avoid the ones with drama, we’ve befriended the con-butchers, yes..they flip their scales when people are not watching. We know the special Anjera spots, where to buy cheaper fries, pre cooked beans. Stop looking at us like that, yes we eat beans. We can tell you which grocer has better ‘mbogas’ and which one wont like it if you ask her to peel the potatoes before you buy them.

I’ve also bumped into lots of people I forgot lived in the J-Zone. There’s the camera guy, the rapper guy, the voice-over guy, the sound guy, my childhood friends, the long lost relative and the list could go on. Truth be told, the J-Zone’s pretty much an okay place to live.

My bachelorette pad is perfect for me. I like the finishing and the fact that I only have 2 neighbours (technically).The J-Zone suits me fine by day because I’m just 5 minutes away from the morning bus. This allows me the luxury of leaving home at 8 am and getting to work by 8:28am. On some evenings, I walk home. (Some means about 4 times in the past months) Most evenings, I take public transport and I’m home in less than 20 mins. The days that I chose to see the J-Zone by night are usually over the weekend. Trust me, there isn’t much to see. I’m glad that the place I live is pretty safe at anytime of the night. Which  reminds me that when I had just moved, there was regularly some drama that involved gunshots. It was fast becoming the regular thing to receive the ‘Are you safe’ texts from family and friends. The sound effects have pretty much died down or maybe I have become an even heavier sleeper. We’ll find out.

There have been stories doing rounds about another type of gunfire in the J-Zone. Gunfire that was attributed to boundaries crossed, personalities clashed, things said and done. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. I got caught up in one of those episodes and I did not hesitate to make every single detail of it known.The part I don’t get is,it didn’t even happen in the hood but… (almost past that). This past week, there was another episode but with a very different cast yet with the same main star. These two incidents seem to have drawn more attention than necessary to the J-Zone. It struck me recently that; should it have happened in the A-Zone or in the Y-Zone, then those would be the areas in discussion. Mountains out of molehills, is the new industry we’re in. That said and done, it is a free country and consequently a free hood. Come and go as you please. I have no title deed in this place. I pay rent. Nevertheless, I do love the J-Zone. I’m not suggesting we start a ‘chama’ or we all start hugging the shopkeeper, the psycho hairdresser and the butcher but how about some love and respect for and in the J-Zone. Handle your business, I handle mine and when we all meet each other in the bus, smile and wave. You go your way, I go mine.

Happy Obama Day!!!

My refusals

This post is inspired by a Facebook update I posted a couple of weeks back. It is a list (not exhaustive and in no particular order) of things I refuse to believe (in). Feel free to add your own.

I refuse to believe that

1. Men cannot wear pink
2. Socks can be worn more than once without washing them
3. Cat-fights are an acceptable way of solving problems
4. Colour-blocking cannot go wrong
5. I cannot have pizza for breakfast
6. I will die if I never drink another soda
7. Love is for the weak
8. Chivalry is dead
9. I don’t have time
10. People who do bad stuff will get away with it
11. I can fix other people
12. There are mistakes too big from which recovery is impossible
13. If I stay he will change
14. I can’t win
15. It doesn’t make any difference how hard I try, or how hard I work or if I do my best or not; the outcome is the same as if I didn’t try at all
16. I have to be able to do it all, perfectly (perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect girlfriend, perfect employee, perfect church volunteer, etc…)
17. I must have everyone’s love and approval
18. It is easier to avoid problems than to face them.
19. I can’t be happy unless things go my way
20. I shouldn’t have to wait for what I want
21. God can’t use me unless I’m spiritually strong
22. All girls must wear six-inch high heels ( as if to say Gully Creeping is ok)

 

That’s all for now.

Lord, I’m Struggling

I’m one of those who would rather win than lose.I’d rather be successful than fail. I’m a lover not a fighter (I claim) but if I must ‘fight’ its an odd war. No nukes, no kicks, no punches and most times I just retreat. Maybe you identify, maybe you don’t

You may know me as a tough cookie. I’m that girl who pretty much has everything under control. I can afford a smile even when I’m aching on the inside. I prefer to sort out my drama behind closed doors, all by myself. By the time we hook up and hang out I’m Michelle the noise maker, the life of the party. Defense mechanism perhaps but I find my strength in laughter. When it pains, I laugh. When it hurts, I laugh. When I’m clueless, I laugh. When I’m sad, when I’m low, when things aren’t right, I laugh.

Then I get to the place where I’m ‘all laughed out’. I hate this place coz I’ve run out of camouflage. So I run, as fast and as far as my gingerbread legs can carry me I run. I run because I can see challenges that I’m not ready to face without my laugh. I’m afraid to fail, afraid of flaws, afraid that I don’t have the strength to keep up the appearances. I run and go back to my part time job in the construction industry. I go back to building my walls. Each day, theres a new brick. Slowly I build these walls hoping to keep the audience out. I switch off my phone, I disappear. I run. Yet, I’m always secretly hoping that some external factor will bring these walls down…

Yes, my life’s a struggle. I usually have great seasons then something happens. *Insert nose-dive here* I got born-again in 2006, the walk has mostly been great. Its something I’ve always wanted to ‘WIN’ at. There came the bumps and each time there seems to be a bigger bump ahead of me.I realize that even as a child of God its not an assurance for a drama free life. Still, I’ve felt the need to keep up appearances and I realized that I was gonna lose at the ‘appearances game’ so I figured..why walk the straight and narrow and lose? I didn’t want any embarrassment, So I chose to just live, get by.I chose something easy, coz I could win.

Just living, made me happy but just for a little while. We can say I ‘dumped’ God. I dumped the one who gave His son for me. I gave in to my struggles in a bid not to deal with my struggles. I dumped the gift He gave me, built those walls to keep out the people He put in my life… Same old tactics! Luckily, the God I dumped doesn’t call me His ex-child. He hasn’t disowned. The God I dumped found me behind those walls.

Here I am, not keeping up appearances. I struggle with sin and I struggle to live the Christian life.I have my physical, mental and social struggles.This sometimes makes me feel like a lower caste Christian. The truth is I sometimes wonder if I’ll fight this good fight to the end. I don’t want to lose. I want to win. I have hope, I have prayer, I have the Holy Spirit and I have the church. I can win.My God knows me intimately and accepts me despite my failings.

You know what, the devil is a liar. He makes you feel like you need to build those walls. He tells you to stay away coz God isn’t interested in your sinning self. God is always interested in you coz He made you for Himself.

I need to remember these struggles are for a reason, maybe one day I’ll be able to help someone going through the same. Through these struggles may my God be glorified.May my struggles draw me closer to God and keep me relying on God. My struggles are a way for God to mold me.My struggles will direct me towards the throne of Grace instead of away from it. I shouldn’t run.

If I wanna live by my own strength, I’m set up to lose. If I live by God’s strength I am destined to win. Yes I’m gonna make it.

Here’s a song I wrote a little while ago. You may have already heard it on the OPEN HEAVENS MIXTAPE from the MadLove Lounge.  Strugglin features my friend BlackSkillz. I remember, I was really down the day I had this session and wrote the song.I almost didn’t show up but I made my way to the “Mixtape Session”.I hid my pain well and to many people, it was just a song but it was my story at that point in time and I’m glad I wrote it.

You must be mad!

Madness oh madness

That is what I suffer from.This madness is nothing like we know it. I require not the confines of a mental institution yet I am as mad as they come. Neither drugs nor tranquilizers can heal me or offer me peace of mind because my madness is the type that cant be diagnosed yet it sets me apart from the ‘sane’ ones.You must be wondering where I’m going with this. Well, I’ll make it clear in just a little bit but before I do I’d like to declare to you that you may just be as mad as I am.

There those things we do, those situations that we always find ourselves in. Those dead ends, that pain, that heartache, that friend, that bar, that drink… Different days, same scenario..some say same sh*!, different days.

In our ‘post match analysis’ you and I always make the vow to NEVER go down a certain road again. How lovely? Yes, its lovely until you find yourself going down the same same boulevard, in the same old clothes destined for the same old pain and regrets. All in all… It is a stupid cycle. Its not vicious..we’re not cursed, we’re just stupid..in a nutshell we’re mad. Did I just hurl insults? Not really..I’m calling it like it is. This is because madness is really doing the same things over and over expecting different results.

I realise that I must do things differently if I’m to rid myself of all the madness. No drugs, no therapy can cure me and you my friend must realise the same.
Knowledge and application are two different things. Well, I know the things I need to change..Hold my hand dear friend and lets bid this madness goodbye. I was created for greater, it’s time I started acting like it.

**This post was originally published on Facebook by Michelle Michelle TheBrand on 25th October 2011**

The goose is getting fat

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat.

Please put a penny in the old man’s hat.

If you haven’t got a penny, a ha’penny will do.

If you haven’t got a ha’penny God bless you.

At one point in my early years, I had to learn this song. It was the scariest song, I’d ever heard yet it was connected to my favorite time of the year. The opening line declared that Christmas was on its way and was the perfect way to say goodbye to November. Enter December, I had all the ‘Christmassy’ things to look forward to. The change of atmosphere in the neighborhood was always evident, even the water tasted different. There were parties practically every weekend in December. Every visit to the city centre was made complete by the sight of ridiculously disproportionate Santas stationed at various shop entrances. Most of these shops had amateurishly painted windows and exaggerated displays yet this only built up my Christmas cheer.

Our house always got expertly decked out. Cartons of tinsel and crepe paper would find their way out of storage. As a child, I always thought that elves came to decorate the house but I later discovered that the elves were actually my elder sisters. Before I knew it, I was ‘the elf’.The best part of my ‘elfin’ duties was putting the star on the Christmas tree. It always felt like such an accomplishment. Come to think of it, it was!

Only when the tree was in place did the presents start piling. Everyday they’d be a few more. I’d take them, shake them, press them real hard in an attempt to figure out what was in each box. I had this little notebook where I’d keep count of how many presents everyone was getting.  This was a sign that Christmas was coming. On the night before Christmas, I’d leave out cookies and milk for Santa. Since our house didn’t have a chimney, I always left the dining room window open for St. Nicholas to squeeze in.(I later found out that my mum doubled up as Santa)

Christmas morning would be the same every year. A huuuuuuuuuge Chocolate Cake and the finest things were always laid out for breakfast. I’d open my presents and let the day morph into whatever it wanted. There was no goose, no old man and no ha’penny.

(Somewhere along the way, the delightful feelings about Christmas have been replaced with ‘Oh-No-Not-Again’ feelings.)

Nevertheless, Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat!

Remember Me?

When I was little, I had lots of toys. Dolls, teddy bears, building blocks, cookery sets, the works.I loved my toys especially Baby Chrissy ( a hand-me down doll and an honorary member of my family).

Every so often, I would get a new addition to my ‘empire’. The new toy would always be the star of the show until, the newer one came along. Well that was the story of my life or is it the story of my toys’ lives.

When it was time for spring-cleaning, I’d always find my old toys huddled up in some nook. My interaction with these long lost  inanimate objects would always conjure up feelings that I can only describe as ‘yummy’. I’d be excited about them all over again. I’d fall asleep playing with my older dolls…it felt like heaven. Actually it was heaven *cue the angelic voices*. However this romance was always short-lived because I’d soon have a new toy.

Funny but this blog feels like one of those toys. I recall all the psyche I had when I started it then..something happened. I got bored and moved on to the next thing. Then today, I remembered that I used to have a blog (actually 2) and decided to find it. I really dont know how long this will last but I plan to enjoy the ride.

I plan to enjoy this, as well as revive my other blog. Who knows I may end up being consistent.

Slowly but surely, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. So hello my darling blog. Do you remember me?

 

Soccer Shmoccer… Let’s play!!

Where do I begin? I plan to complete this blog in 90 mins flat. No extra time because I’m writing about soccer and no injury time because I am not planning on breaking a nail as I type.

If only the soccer balls were this cute!!

Ok Soccer, what do I know? At least I’m clear on the fact that a soccer match is not what lights up a stadium (NKT me if you like). There are eleven men each side, I’m not sure how many substitutes and definitely a ball. There’s also lots of money involved. Sometimes I cant help thinking soccer is like slave trade coz I’ll hear a random player’s name and then an obsecene amount of money. Speaking of which, why do teams trade their players? I mean, if a certain player is so good. WHY ARE YOU GIVING HIM UP???

Haha..yes I’m laughing coz I’m not sure what the difference is between Man City and Man U. Are they on the same side or? (Disclaimer: These are genuine questions.)

There exists the Premier league and UEFA cup. What’s their story? World Cup-that one I understand. Once every four years, it’s like the Olympics for soccer, right? Speaking of which, there must be soccer in the Olympics. So my point is that FIFA(yes I know that one) should just collabo with the Olympics guys and have the World Cup during the Olympics. Save water, save electricity and save the planet.

I used to hear of David Beckham, where did he go? Can I safely assume that he I still married to Posh Spice? Its funny how most people I know are crazy about one team or the other.  Arsenal, Man U, Chelsea, Liverpool. These could be one and the same team to me for all I care. All the supporters should check out http://www.itsjustagame.com (yes the webpage actually exists).In the same news, I can’t believe how people are able to cut short their earth journeys for the sake of a team. Like really? Suicidal fans, surely!! Smh, very, very SMH!!

Soccer  is a foreign concept to me. This game in which a handful of men run around for one and a half hours watched by millions of people who could really use the exercise. The pitch kinda looks like a hockey pitch and I’m proud to say that because I played hockey I can tell you what the offside rule is. Ok I cant really tell but I understand it. I hope that counts for something (On my league table hahahaha)

Everyday

Almost everyday, I wake up with a plan. I know what I want to achieve and how to get around it. I’m not a morning person and I struggle just to get my eyelids open. But when I eventually get round to it, I embrace that plan.

 

I hate conversation in the mornings and stick to one-word answers. Well, that’s just who I am. I can never pick out my clothes the day before. I have days when all my clothes seem ugly to me and other days, I’m spoilt for choice.

 

Once I get past my morning blues, I’m ready to face the day. I’m ready to make things happen. Funny but on most days, it seems that the elements are working hard to see me have an unsuccessful day. If it’s not this, it’s the other. Traffic, Power blackouts, scorching sun, dropped calls, lousy internet, bad friends, a running nose and maybe just maybe a lost purse.

 

Some days, I push past the elements but on other days I let them get the best of me. Yes, I said I let them. I accept the weariness, the fatigue and slouch back and watch the day go by. I do have a choice. Well, sometimes I make the wrong choices knowing very well that I have ventured one step further from that thing we call excellence.

 

I’m only human, my cells need to grow. My skin needs to replace itself..yakkedy shmakkeddy. I could go on. I’ve already concluded my story when I agreed that I have a choice. I can push on in spite of the elements. Life happens so I need to happen right back. Some things about me like the fact that I hate conversation in the mornings are all good but I cant let the elements get the best of me. I need to rise up early to beat the traffic. I must find other things to do when there is no electricity ( agood old book never hurt anyone) I can get some sunscreen before I step into the scorching sun. A pair of stunners would be brilliant. I can get a life beyond Social Media (OMG, LOL) I can still love the bad friends or … hmmmm let’s just stick at loving them. An apple a day wont be a bad idea, anything to keep th sniffles way. Yes… I could go shopping and replace that lost purse.

 

When all is said and blogged, life aint that bad. Actually life is beautiful. I’ll probably stay up watching a movie, struggle waking up in the morning and do this all again tomorrow. Difference is… I’ll love the day, I’ll love the elements and yes, yes, yes, I will love you!

 

When friendship ends…

I make friends easily(when I want to ) That said, I’m that kind of girl who loves her friends. If you are my friend then you know that I have your back, through and through and through.

When I was younger, I valued friendship a lot less than I do now. I did lots of stupid thing to gain and maintain friends. I was never quite a leader. I appeared to be, but deep down I was the follower.

Insecurities galore, but hey that’s a blog for another day.

I’ve not seen some of my high school friends for years. Thanks to technology, we can keep in touch. Truth is that friendship that has lasted all these years is such a beautiful thing. It is heart warming when you pick up conversations with old friends and no one can tell you’ve been apart for years. That is the rose petal side of friendship.

There is the thorny side too. You watch people you’ve met along the way change like the proverbial chameleon before your eyes. Your yellow friend is now blue and red with burgundy dots. She was gonna be your best maid, but she’s turned into a monster over night. He was your best-man but now he cant remember your first name.

Attempts to be cordial are met with hostility-in-a-box. No resuscitation can be given to the friendship. Do you keep trying,?do you walk away? Many a time, I have walked away bitter, dejected, vowing to never make more friends. At times like this God always reminds me to stop focusing on the thorns on the roses instead of the roses among the thorns. God has given me great friends. I have those I’ve kept from my childhood and others I’ve met along the way.

I’ve stopped crying over broken friendships. I’ve let their ashes go in the wind. I thank God for the friends He has given me. I’ll cherish every moment that I’ll spend with them. My prayer is for friendships that never end.

140 characters Part 1

I am sure that I’m special. A rare breed. Unique.

I bet you’re wondering why I’ve chosen to describe myself as such but hey, don’t worry. We’re both sailing in the same boat. (173 characters)

 

I started this blog late last year. Oh I was almost on a roll. Then two or three days later, I ran out of things to say. Neatly put, I lost the psyche to type. (164 characters)

 

Maybe Social Media has spoilt me. I’ve learnt that I can quickly ‘tweet’ something in less than 140 characters and within seconds I have my responses. Brevity? Is that the new name of the game or am I just lazy. (211 characters)

 

Ok, I’ll settle for a little bit of both. I have learnt to express myself in the 140 characters a tweep is meant to embrace. I have learnt that I do not have to type a composition (like in high school) to impress anyone. I just need to get my point across. Yet, I still feel the need to downplay my expounding on what I need to say. You see, there’s a depth that I cant achieve in 140 characters . Things that I can’t say. Tales that I can’t tell. For situations like these I have taught myself to ‘serial tweet’. That has slowly become one of my favourite activities and it leaves me on a high.(583 characters)

 

So I’m a little bit confused and sadly the world wide web continues to exist.

 

Seeing that I have not lost my ability to type. I hope that I will get back to blogging. Get back to letting you into my world.(I’m giving you an inch, don’t take a mile).

 

So to all the people who have time to ‘tweet’ and no time to blog. We’re special. We are that rare breed. Unique. NOT.